I wanted to take the opportunity to let loose with a more personal entry for a change. I feel a little guilty for talking so much about myself, since I really wanted this blog to focus on the MFA experience--but since that experience most certainly involves myself, I thought it would be alright.
Many, many things have been going on for the last month. This doesn't even encompass the time prior to, during, and slightly after we moved to Oregon (which was an all in all stressful experience, to say the least), but it's really the things that have happened just recently that are of note.
I came to Corvallis with a label. A title. I'm a graduate student in Oregon State University's MFA program. I write poetry. That's why I'm here, and that's what got me here. It is true, I enjoy rhetoric, critical theory, gender theory, and many other things--but my passion is in poetry.
With that having been said, I've looked back on the last four weeks and realized that I have spent a great deal of my time focusing on teaching, focusing on improving my social life in a new town where I don't know anyone (and for the record I think I've done fairly well for being the "new guy," mostly because there are so many other "new guys," and "new girls," to help with the shock). It's been rough. And that's not a loaded statement! It really has been hard trying to acclimate myself, and remain in the good graces of the people I've met, AND teach myself...yes...how to teach.
I've been fortunate enough to meet some very cool people since I've been here. Each is unique and important in their own special way. I suppose I made friends fairly easily when I was in high school, but I lost site of how important friends were in college. I think I got it backward, since I don't talk to most of the people I went to high school with, and I only had four or five very close friends in college, all of which I still talk to, despite being 3,000 miles from them.
In a way, I feel like I'm still trying to get over the slight social ignorance I developed as an undergrad. I always fell into the crowd that I would best fit into...but now, things are different. All of these people are different...and they're all great!
Sometimes people will look at me while I'm "out" at a bar, or restaurant when I'm just hanging out with friends and wonder why I'm so quiet. The truth is I've always been fairly quiet when I have nothing to say--and I've always been loud and vocal when I do have something to say. Just because I don't speak doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable, or that I don't like the people I'm around. I simply value the art of listening.
Think about it! Every time we listen we learn something new (if not always, then a lot of the time). My silence could be an indicator that I don't fully understand the conversation, or that I simply don't have a personal investment in the discussion.
I've found a great number of writers are like this. A good friend of mine from Florida wrote thunderous novellas and non-fiction pieces on war, religion, rape, murder, and many other intriguing topics. His writings were loud and boisterous. They insisted on being heard!
When I met him for the first time, I complimented him on the style of his work. He replied coyly, "Thank you," and shyly looked to the floor.
What a discovery! ...a writer who composes loud texts and displays them silently!
I suppose what I'm getting at is that I've learned a great deal about myself and where my values lie. I've made some great friends, and I would like them to better understand who I am. (if such a thing is even possible)
I always preferred talking with the pen, anyway.
Unless a pint is involved. In this case, the rules change.
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2 comments:
hey man, i always enjoy hanging out with you and everyone else--and i think we've all got some social awkwardness at times, which i think comes with being self-aware. silence is far from social awkwardness, especially in a group of writers and young scholarly-types.
on another point, a lot of people (my poetry friends at OSU especially) get frustrated with taking pedagogy classes, learning about rhetoric, etc. but as we all know, teaching writing is often the only for us to support our creative selves, at least if we want to stick around in academia (and there's a discussion for a 5-pint night). anyway, i'm sure you'll find how and when your creative time falls in among all the lit classes, the focus on pedagogy and teaching, domesticity, etc. keep us posted! diggin' the blog.
"a writer who composes loud texts and displays them silently!"
From one silent noisemaker to another: very well said.
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